Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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