She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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