omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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