i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
