So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize