six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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