I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
