i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize