carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize