So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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