I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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