Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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