I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how drunk are you?
Several
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
