evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
