Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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