no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize