My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
