It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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