I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
