Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize