1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
