Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
