Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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