he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
