Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize