i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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