Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
