I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
