She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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