i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize