How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
