Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
