I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
