The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
