And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
