ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
