lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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