well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize