so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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