I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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