She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
