After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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