the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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