I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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