Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
