2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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