You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
