I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What drink are we having for lunch?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
