If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
