im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
