your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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