it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Text me some of your sweat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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