Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
