paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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