Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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