He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When are your genitals available?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
