Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How does one acquire holy water?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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