well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize