Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
