did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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