Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
