it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
