My nipple is on Facebook.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
