He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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