Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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