i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
