I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
