i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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