and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
