i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
