I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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