No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
