there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
