im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My bed smells like the plague
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
