ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
