Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
