how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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