yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
