I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
