Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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