Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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