speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize