Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
