Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
