You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
