I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
