I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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