Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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