does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
