dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
