I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Damn victory sex feels great
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
