I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
