Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize